Red Picket Fences
by 2shy the Shippy
Summary: Love is a powerful thing; it can either empower a person of disillusion them. Lisbon goes on a mental experience that changes her outlook on life, her relationship with Jane, the consequences of love, and then need for companionship. One part: Strong T.
1. Part I: Red Beginning

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mentalist.

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM WELCOMED! FEEDBACK APPRECIATED!

AN: I used a paragraph from Ebony10's "Rocking the Boat" without permission, but the credit is given to her. For the most part, her story or, at least the paragraph, is what inspired me to go on this journey.

She sighed as he was uncharacteristically silent (something that had been happening quite a bit in the last week or so), then continued. "In the end, I decided to give myself a chance for the whole thing. Maybe someday there will be that special someone and we'll have a family together. As a team. Not just me. I _do _want kids, but it just seems like I've always done everything alone. Raised my brothers. Went through college. Got a job as a cop. Recruited by the Bureau and working my way up."- Rocking the Boat, Ebony10

Jane was too damaged to love again.

Or at least that was what Lisbon had thought.

Then Kristina Frye came back into his life.

Truth be told, Lisbon would never admit her feelings for Jane aloud, but she would ponder them at length when she had time. Actually, she made time to think about Jane and if they had a possible future together. From the start, she concluded no and tried to brush any lingering feelings aside. In her mind, her feelings for Jane were superficial: he was charming and smooth and paid her the attention she willingly deprived herself of for years. It could never work. It just couldn't. The only thing he cared about was avenging his wife and child—nothing else matter. Over time, she began to see the legitimacy of her romantic feelings and she realized she was in trouble. As usual, she fell for the wrong man: the one who was unavailable in every way possible- the one who was doomed to fail. So, she never gave it a try.

But, if she were really being honest with herself, she would admit that she never gave Jane a chance because he never hinted any interest. Yes, he occasionally flirted with her, but he flirted with other women as well. It was nothing significant. He flirted and did things for her that she couldn't begin to understand, but she knew it didn't hold a romantic overtone.

She thought Kristina Frye wouldn't last because if she, Teresa Lisbon, wasn't good enough, then no one was.

Lisbon didn't think she was some constellation prize, but she thought she was a pretty good catch. Then again, Jane knew her and he knew she was damaged. Where was the mystery in that? Or appeal? He could read her like a book—one he wrote himself at that, which sometimes he forgot occasional details.

Kristina Frye was a new challenge and mystery that he definitely had a romantic interest in.

If Patrick Jane could find love again, then why couldn't she? Why was she holding herself back from potential relationships and happiness? Yes, her mother had gotten killed in a car accident and her father killed himself, which forced her to grow up at an earlier age, but that didn't mean she could be happy or, at least, try to be. In order to be a healthy, functioning adult she must deal with these things. She must deal with her emotions and the consequences of them. She must have better relationships with her family, friends, and…Jane.

It still hurt like hell to know he was with someone. It still hurt.

7 MONTHS LATER

"Fully," Shane whispered as he stroked his lover's back. Although Fully was his girlfriend, he called her his lover because girlfriend seemed too elementary to him. He laughed at the irony before whispering her name again.

"Hmm…" She was semi-conscious and had no intention of fully waking up anytime soon.

"I love you."

Shane ran his fingers through her long wavy brunette hair as she snored lightly on his chest. Funny, months ago she used to jump out of the bed after they had sex and sleep in another room. Now, no one could drag her away no matter how much they tried.

She told him to work with her—to wait for her. It was her first time dating a younger man, 14 years to be exact, and it had been a long time since she was in a real, healthy committed relationship if she had ever been in one to begin with. Shane saw her vulnerability and knew that Fully wasn't one to let her guard down. He knew that whatever it was between them was real and he wanted to see what was next. He had to.

A smile crossed his face as he thought about the previous hour's activities. Fully straddled his lap as he placed his hands on her waist and she lazily threw her arms around his neck. Her forehead was leaning against his as she moved up and down on his erect penis. Love and lust filled her emerald eyes while she alternate between moaning and crying out in passion. Wildly waving wavy hair moved according to the intensity of their passion.

Perspiration formed at her temples and her lips frantically met his before lighting fire to the rest of his body.

"I love you, too" She replied back. Even though she was sleeping when he said it, she knew him well enough to know what he would do and say. Fully was one to doze off and wake up on and off after sex, but he learned to know it was a good thing. "Now go to bed because your thoughts are keeping me up."

5 MONTHS LATER

Lisbon watched as Jane and Kristina interacted. She wondered if that was what a happy Jane looked like. He was no longer the tormented man he used to be, but Red John was still his obsession. It was obvious he was conflicted between avenging his wife and child's murder or moving on and creating a new life with Kristina.

If he gave up Red John, then what would be his reason for being at the CBI? Finding Red John was his only reason for living up until now. What if he chose Kristina? Would he leave the CBI or stay?

Although Lisbon had taken steps to forming something of a life, she knew a part of her would be crushed if Jane ever left. Despite herself, she loved him and, to some extent, she even needed him. Would she ever admit that aloud? Hell no. But, if she were going to be honest with anyone, she needed to be honest with herself first.

Jane and Kristina worked well together. She was surprised when Hightower hired her. For one, Kristina and Jane were dating and she gave Rigsby and Van Pelt the third degree for being together. The hypocrisy! How could she condone one relationship and not another? It almost made Lisbon want to go behind Hightower's back and approve the relationship-almost.

The case was an emotionally trying one, she just wanted to go home and sleep forever. She needed a vacation. In the past, she hated the idea of taking a break from work. Recently, the idea started to become more and more appealing and she had reason to take time off. In a couple of months, she would be forced to, so she might as well warm up to the idea, notion, and the reality of the situation. It reminded her that she needed to talk to Hightower.

Lisbon walked to Hightower's office and knocked on the door.

"Come in," Hightower said nonchalantly as she went over paperwork for the recent case. "Take a seat. Is there anything I can help you with, Agent Lisbon?"

Straight to business, as usual, Lisbon wasn't going to waste any time, so she cut to the chase, "I would like to request a two week vacation in about three weeks."

"Oh, really?" Hightower looked at Lisbon. "You are overdue for a much needed vacation. I was going to suggest one to you, especially considering the case you just got through handling."

"So, that's a yes," Lisbon thought Hightower agreed to give her vacation time, but she wasn't absolutely sure.

"It's a yes," Hightower smiled at the woman as she gathered the remains of the case file. "May I ask what brought on this desire for a vacation, especially with a specific time frame?"

The Senior Agent's cheeks blushed ever so slightly as she stared at her hands in lap momentarily before brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. She was hoping Hightower wouldn't ask, but she knew that the woman would.

2 1/2 WEEKS LATER

Lisbon pushed the door open as juggled her briefcase, takeout, and some extra items she had needed to pick up. To say her home was her sanctuary was an understatement. It was everything, and then some. She was looking forward to spending time away from work and with Coop. In all her adult years—even childhood—she never had a real vacation. Never. A grin appeared on her face as she thought about finally getting and wanting a break from work.

"Coop," Lisbon yelled as she sat the bags on the kitchen counter. Soon they would have to look for a bigger place. It was already too small for them; imagine when it expanded from two to three, three to four, and so on. "Coop, I bought Panda Express. I have Orange Chicken, Chow Mien, Spring Rolls, and if you don't come down here I will eat it all."

A chuckle escaped from her throat as she fixed their plates while her hand involuntarily went to her stomach.

"Coop, I know you are a kid at heart, but you are too old to be playing hide and go seek," Lisbon wrapped the plates, and then sat them in the oven. Coop's hide and seek was really get found and then freak. Lisbon couldn't help, but indulge in such behavior. She was having sex on a regular basis after constant months of celibacy and great sex at that. What woman in her right mind would turn that down? And to add to that, Coop was a generous lover: he tended to her needs and knew her body very well.

It wouldn't be hard to find Coop; he always hid in the same spot, their bed. Lisbon walked up the stairs, and then carefully opened their bedroom door. She collapsed before her heart could drop.


	2. Part II: Red Afterglow

Disclaimer: Mentioned in part I

"CBI," Cho said as a way of introduction. He was in charge, until Lisbon showed up, that is if she answered her phone to know they had a case. He introduced Rigsby and Van Pelt as they walked with the detective.

"I'm Detective Barnes," The man said quickly before opening the case file. "The victim is Shane Cooperman. He's 24 years old, owns two small, but very successful businesses—a gym and a restaurant—and recently engaged. We don't suspect the fiancée, but we're still going to question her."

"It is said that you all believe it is the work of Red John," Cho clarified as he took notes, so he could be very precise for Lisbon.

"Yeah, but we aren't 100% sure," Detective Barnes sighed. "It really looks like the work of Red John, but I've heard you all have dealt with copycat cases, so we'll let the CBI determine that."

"Alright, and what is the vic's fiancée's name?"

"She wouldn't say," He rubbed a hand through his thinning hair. "She is catatonic. She won't speak or look at anyone. After we pulled her fiancée out of her arms, she huddled up into a ball and began rocking."

"Was she the one who found him," Grace quipped as she walked alongside the Detective Barnes.

"Yeah, I suppose. There isn't any evidence of anyone else finding him. We assume she came home and went upstairs, and then found him, you know, dead. The neighbors called the police because they heard screaming."

As they were making their way upstairs, Jane rushed through the front door and to the stairs.

"Are we sure this is Red John," He asked frantically as he caught his breath.

"They aren't sure, Jane," Rigsby said as he tried to read the consultant. "They think it is, but they also said it could be a copycat. It is rare for Red John to kill males and we don't see how Shane Cooperman is connected to Red John."

"Well, let's go find out," He looked at the agents incredulously as he made his way to the room where officers and paramedics were surrounded.

"I don't feel comfortable with Jane being here and Lisbon not," Rigsby whispered to his colleagues as they followed Jane.

"What can we do," Cho, the second in command, rationalized. "We have a case and Lisbon isn't answering."

"Well, where ever she is, she needs to get…" Van Pelt stopped mid-sentence when she saw Red John's signature mark on the wall and her boss sitting below it in a bloodstained outfit.

"Lisbon," Cho began carefully. "You need to talk to us."

He took her hands in his and squeezed tightly. It was something that he usually never ever did, but her fiancée was just killed. Tears still streamed down her face as she tried to calm herself down.

"I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him," She whispered as her lips trembled.

"Lisbon," Jane began, but stopped when she stared at him.

"He never called me Teresa, he called me Full or Fully," She wore as a small smile as she explained, but her gaze seemed to not be fixed at any certain point. "At first, it was short for beautiful, then he said he was always filled with thoughts of me and my beauty and purity, and it was a mixture of several other things. I remember the first time he called me that:

"You need to be more careful, Coop," Lisbon warned as she put peroxide on a cotton ball and wiped his gash. Shane hissed out of pain.

"I don't know, I think I like being taken care of by you," He teased as she finished cleaning his gash.

She rolled her eyes at him, and then put the band-aid on, so nothing could infect his open wound.

"I do, Fully, I like when you take care of me and I like taking care of you," He said as he kissed Lisbon on her nose.

"Fully?"

"Yeah, it's short for beautiful, which you are. The LY-fully- part is for entirely. You are entirely beautiful—every part of you. There isn't one part of you that I don't love," Shane then kissed her lips.

Lisbon slowly rubbed her thumbs along his lips as she spoke quietly and questioningly, "You love me?"

"Yeah," He said as he shook his head up and down. "I've been in love with you for a long time."

Fully kissed him because her mouth could say things words couldn't. Coop responded in like and very exuberantly at that. The intensity of their kiss deepened as they poured their love into one another.

She didn't know what was up with herself lately. There wasn't one moment she could recall where she was completely and utterly happy; most of the time she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Frequently, she asked herself, 'When is the shit going to hit the fan?' Because nothing ever went right when she was happy. Because of her childhood trauma she never sought actual healthy relationships.

It was why she pursued her feelings for a married man, and then let herself get pregnant by him only to abort the fetus when she came to her senses. It was why she tried to take the full blame for something they were equally guilty for. It was why she was drawn for Jane and eventually fell in love with him.

But, to be with someone she could actually love without extra baggage. It felt great to be with someone who didn't have a wife or kids or someone who wasn't chasing a serial killer because they killed his wife and child. It was refreshing to have a man all to herself for once and to have all of his love.

The feeling overwhelmed her. She loved him too, but had been to scare to admit it. As crazy as it sounded, there was actually safety with a married man. Despite how many times he tells that you he loves you, you still had the upper hand. You can either accept or deny that love and he can't say a thing. What right does he have? But, in a monogamous relationship, it is a whole other ballgame: the L word can be on the table and not acknowledged for a while and, even if it were, there were several other technicalities and or nuisances in the way that you were afraid to truly tell your real feelings.

But, not here and not now.

Lisbon tugged on Coop's shorts and undid them as she kissed her boyfriend or, lover, as he liked to say.

"Fully," Lisbon kissed Coop again and when they broke away he looked at the bathroom door. She understood his look. His family was outside. Lisbon was invited to spend the weekend with the Cooperman family and here they were about to make love in the bathroom.

"We can be quiet," She whispered as she looked at the door herself before turning her attention back at him.

Coop grabbed Lisbon by the waist and hastily undid her shorts and abruptly pulled them down along with her panties. He then pulled her up by her hips, so she could wrap her legs around his waist. No, it wasn't enough. Coop grabbed Lisbon's legs and pushed her knees up to her shoulders before entering her.

She gasped.

Much better.

He thrusted into her rhythmically as she chanted—or stuttered "I love you" over and over.

Shortly afterwards, they settled on the toilet as Lisbon rocked her hips to ride the rest of her orgasm out. She grabbed him tightly and whispered in his ear, "Please don't ever leave me."

Of course, Lisbon stopped at his explanation of Fully, but she couldn't help but to remember the rest. She told them what they needed to hear, so she didn't have to be there longer than necessary.

"One last question," Cho said as he flipped his notebook. "His mother said he told he had something very important to tell her, do you know what that could be?"

"It's not what you think. Coop didn't come across Red John at all and if he did, he would have come to me. Even if he did know Red John, he wouldn't have known who Red John was." Lisbon struggled to hold it together. "He was going to tell his mother that she was going to be a grandmother…I'm pregnant."

Lisbon asked for some time a few months back—six months backs to be exact—and the team hadn't seen her since. She asked them to respect her privacy and to not try to contact or visit her. She understood their concern, but she wanted to deal with everything on her own.

They did visit her once, but that was before she asked them not to. Her sister-in-law, Regina, had answered the door and led them to her bedroom. When they opened the door, the room was pitch black. Regina then opened the shades and light enveloped the room instantly. Lisbon's brothers sat in chairs around her bed while Lisbon shielded herself under the covers from the light.

The most disturbing part of the whole ordeal was that Red John's signature was still on the wall. The smiley face looked more haunting than ever, more so than Jane's.

Their attention was piqued when they saw Hightower's door open and Lisbon walked out. She still looked distraught, but better than her previous state.

"Lisbon," Jane said as he stared at her. "You resigned, didn't you?"

It wasn't incredible that he guessed that she quit. Honestly, there wasn't any surprise in his voice.

"Yeah," She said quietly as she looked to the ground. "I know there is a lot of good that I can do, but I can't continue to do this job if it takes away from my happiness. My job was all I had for a long time and I don't want it to be the only thing I have to my name when I die. I've lost my fiancée, the only man I truly ever loved, and in a couple months, I'll be a mother. I won't let Red John consume as he has you, Jane. I've seen what he can do to a man and I don't know which is worse: him taking a man's family or him taking away a man's sanity."

Jane crossed his arms and looked down to the ground before staring back at Lisbon. "It doesn't sound like the Lisbon I know—that I knew."

"Well, the Lisbon you knew was a workaholic who cut herself off from friends and family and didn't have any meaningful relationships. She was unhappy and the only thing going for her was her job," Lisbon spat.

"Oh, so you are quitting your job for creature comforts? So, you want a nice shabby life with the picket fence," Jane threw back at her. "Well, you can have that life, but Red John already took your husband or should I say fiancée because you didn't quite reach the alter."

Lisbon gasped out of disbelief. Tears quickly formed at the corners of her eyes and began to roll down her face, slowly.

"Jane!" Cho exclaimed.

"No, Cho, "Lisbon said quickly. "Don't even start with me, Jane. The reason you are with the CBI is because Red John took away your picket fence. You would rather continue to ruin your life than rebuild it. Have you ever considered that it is your fault that they are dead in the first place! This is what happens when you play with fire, Jane; you get burned! The only way to avenge their deaths is to live your life—all you are doing is playing his game and I refuse to." She breathed deeply before continuing, "What's wrong with me wanting to be happy and live my life—you are living yours. Most of my life has always been taking care of someone because I have to and tending to others except myself. Now I want time for me and I deserve it."

Lisbon walked away and didn't look back.


	3. Part III: Red Confessions

Disclaimer: You know the routine…

3 YEARS LATER

"I don't understand why we are taking on this case," Van Pelt said as she read through the file. "It is a pretty open and shut case."

"Look at who killed the victim," Jane said as stared at the ceiling while deep in thought.

"His wife, so what?" Van Pelt dismissed as she closed the folder. "We've dealt with cases like this before—why can't the local PD handle it?"

"Because the case gets a little more complicated than that," Cho supplied. "It involves Lisbon. Although she has left the CBI, we've been keeping tabs on her because of her connection to Red John."

"I don't understand; how does Lisbon tie into this," Rigsby asked as he pulled on his jacket.

"Lisbon is the killer. She admitted to the crime when she called the police," The team looked at Cho. "Kept saying something about she had to. The reason they haven't labeled her as crazy is that it looks like her husband, Carter Cooperman, was tied to Red John, which may explain Shane Cooperman's connection. Apparently, Carter and Lisbon had a standoff. There was a gun at the crime scene with Carter's fingerprints all over it, and then there was an unmarked van that was licensed to the victim with various knives, poisons, tool—you name it and it was there. We're guessing he was Red John's supplier."

"Did she say anything else besides that," Jane asked as they headed to the elevator,

"Afraid not."

Jane and Cho waited for Lisbon to be escorted into the interrogation room.

"Do you think she did it," Jane asked Cho as he paced the room.

"She admitted to it—are there any other types of confessions," Cho looked at his notepad as he tapped a pen against it.

"Well, actually there are, but let's not stray away from the question," Jane said as he leaned against the two-way glass. "You're upset at the fact that your former mentor is a killer. In your mind, it is one thing to kill on the job because then it is justifiable, but off duty and no longer a government agent?"

"What happened to not straying away from the question," Jane smiled sadly.

"For one, I believe Lisbon had her reasons for killing her husband that were every bit justifiable," Jane walked to the table and sat in the chair next to Cho. "On paper, she is a loose cannon, but in real life we know Lisbon better than that. You should know better than that and I know you do. You're torn between your badge and your respect for her."

"You're not upset that she killed an associate's of Red John's?"

Jane swallowed hard before answering, "No, I believed she had to. Lisbon doesn't act unless necessary. She probably would have been dead if she hadn't. Besides, I think she can tell us more than he possibly would have."

The door open and the guards lead a heavily pregnant Lisbon in.

"Oh now, this just keep getting better and better," Jane said after his speechlessness passed.

"Lisbon," Cho got up and stood; he didn't know what to do. He couldn't shake her hand or hug her; it would have been inappropriate considering the circumstances.

"Hey Cho," She gave him a small smile.

Lisbon looked terrible. It seemed as if she hadn't eaten or slept for days and she was very pale.

"Li—Mrs. Cooperman…" Lisbon cut Cho off.

"Call me Teresa," She said while she ran a hand through her hair.

"Alright, Teresa, why did you kill your husband," Cho looked at her expectantly.

Lisbon gave a pained smile, "Straight to the million dollar question." She took a gulp of the glass of water Jane had poured. "I killed Carter Cooperman because he was Red John."

Jane and Cho's eyes widened.

"Lisbon that is not funny," Jane yelled as he got in her face. "Don't joke around like that."

"I'm not," She yelled back before becoming emotional. "I never even thought to suspect Carter of such of thing, but when I became pregnant again, I became very insecure and emotional. The business trips that he used to always take, I became paranoid of. I thought he was cheating, so I started to track his movements. Then, I noticed a pattern. Not with just his traveling, but his money as well and his behavior. I didn't instantly think killer when I came across these findings, but something felt off to me. I started to become unsettled by him and his sincerity just seemed false after a while. Everything that he did: every word, every emotion, every action was just a show. My husband," Lisbon spat. "Always had to outdo others and be the best at any and everything. I kept saying, 'Carter, you are such a showman.' Those words fit him in the most disturbing sense. It was then I realized that people felt unsettled by him and there was always this slight sinister look on his face. He was fascinated with the color red, but not because it was his favorite color and he had an extreme fascination with my cases, but especially those having to do with Red John. So, one day, I decided to compare his travel expenses to Red John's locations and they fit to the tee. And the more I dug, the more things fit."

"He was on his way to kill again," Jane said in monotone.

"Yeah, I knew had to act to fast," Lisbon wiped her tear-stained face.

"Teresa, you don't have to continue if you don't want to," Cho said sympathetically. Jane's faced screamed the opposite, but he kept his mouth closed.

"When he saw me, he knew that I knew. Without words, we knew that only one of us could exit the house alive. He wasn't going to stop killing and I wasn't going to let him kill. Not only was my life on the line, but our child's as well," Lisbon choked out. "I used to always wonder how a woman can love a monster and not know he was a monster…now I know."

"You still love him, don't you," Jane said softly, but his eyes conveyed anger.

"What kind of person does that make me if I say yes?" Lisbon shut her eyes tightly and swallowed hard. "Carter didn't show his love by being there at home with me and doing family-like things, he showed his love by coming back. Everything that he faked was to make me happy—not because he didn't feel it. You can never fully understand the hell I am going through. He may have killed your wife and child, but he was my husband and the father of my unborn child. He saved me from the darkness of losing my fiancée when, in actuality, he was the who brought it in the first place." She then looked at the consultant. "Jane, for once, can you stop thinking about yourself? I had to kill my husband who happened to be an infamous serial killer. If I could wish my feelings away in a heartbeat, I would, but I can't. Emotions are far more complex than that, you should know."

Jane paced back and forth as Lisbon spoke. He still couldn't comprehend someone—Lisbon—loving Red John. No, Red John didn't have the time to make a life and have a wife and kids. He was far too busy killing people and taking away their wives and kids. How could he settle down and love? Did he even know how to love?

"Lisbon, he didn't love you, he was only trying to hurt me," Jane declared as he stared her square in the eyes.

"Are we done here," Lisbon said abruptly as she half glared at Jane.

"Yeah, you know the routine," Cho said softly; indicating if there were further questions that needed to be asked and whatnot she knew what to do.

Lisbon shook her head yes, and then got up slowly. She thoroughly wiped the tears off of her face before straightening the rest of her clothes, and then walked to the door. As she opened the door, Lisbon looked at Jane said,

"Whether or not Carter really loved me is irrelevant because it doesn't change the way I felt about him. It doesn't change the way he made me feel." Lisbon leaned her head against the door for a moment. "But, it does change the way I feel about you."

Lisbon contemplated her relationship with Jane and as to why it was dysfunctional as it was. As much as she wanted to put all the blame on him, she couldn't. There were plenty of moments she could have just gone up to him and spoke her mind, but she didn't because she was afraid he would break her. Deep down, Lisbon knew that Jane had very intense, confused, and had conflicting emotions for her that would be considered borderline love. But, she didn't want just a part of him, but rather, all of him. Every fiber and every detail, not only the things he was willing to share.

Lisbon refused to live in the shadow of his previous wife—she refused to play second to a dead woman. They could have been great together, but at the same time they would have been the demise of one another. So, she let him slip through her fingers and let Frye get a hold of him. She was afraid of the possibility of having Jane, and then losing him. Because when she thought about it even more, she wasn't just playing second to his dead wife and child, but Red John as well, so that made her third. Every woman wants to be a man's number one, not his number two or three.

All this time, she lied to herself because she loved Jane too much to willingly let him go if they ever took that step.

It was time for a change.

A real change this time.


	4. Part IV: Red Truth

Disclaimer: Ahh…yeah.

Jane was busy with a bottle of Jack Daniel's when his doorbell rang. He groaned in dismay before putting the cap back on, and then walking to the door.

"Lisbon," Jane said in shock as he took in his former co-worker's appearance. She was soaked from head to toe and resembled a wet dog's human form. Visibly, she shivered and had her arms wrapped around her body.

"Can I come in," She asked as her teeth chattered. From her facial expressions alone, he could tell that she had been doing some thinking and was ready to do the talking that came along with it.

"Yeah, sure," Jane opened the door wide enough to let Lisbon in, but not too much to let the water in. "It is pouring down outside; why were you standing out in the rain?"

Lisbon was shivering too much to give her host a coherent answer.

"How about we get you out of these clothes and into the shower," Jane suggested as he led her upstairs. "I'll get you a change of clothes and make some tea while you're in there."

Jane showed Lisbon where his bathroom was, and then went about picking her some clothes to wear and towels to wash up and dry off with. He set the things outside of the door, and then went downstairs to put her clothes in the washer before fixing her tea and deciding to make her a meal as well.

Lisbon took a rather quick shower and quietly stood and watched Jane go to work in the kitchen. He seemed determined and very at home in the kitchen. She smiled fondly to herself as she rubbed on her stomach. It was then she noticed that she was wearing nothing but an oversized dressed dress shirt that Jane couldn't fit and a pair of never worn boxer briefs. She felt much better now and would feel even better when she ate Jane's meal.

"You should sit down, you know. All that standing isn't good for a woman in your condition," Lisbon was seven months along and pretty big. There was bound to be pressure put on her back and too much would cause her excruciating pain.

He gestured for her to take a seat on the stool.

"No thanks, I think I'll take that couch," Lisbon turned around and went into his living room.

Jane handed Lisbon another cup of tea as she finished her plate.

"This was delicious," Lisbon said as she burped, and then blushed. "Excuse me."

Jane smiled flirtatiously. "You're excused." It was different to see Lisbon in a relaxed condition. He was used to her being guarded and professional.

He tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear before trailing his finger along her jaw line. She was absolutely stunning.

"Jane, I came here to talk you," Lisbon leaned in and placed a moist kiss on Jane's lips. For the briefest of seconds, he forgot who they were and responded in like. He abruptly pulled away not soon afterwards. "Carter, right?"

"Yeah, Carter," Jane got up and began to pace. "Lisbon, you married the guy and is having his child—you—you even admitted to still being in love with him. How do you think that makes me feel?"

"This was a mistake," Lisbon got up suddenly and looked around for her things. "Where are my clothes?"

"What?" Jane looked honestly confused as to what Lisbon was doing.

"Jane, I am in love with you and I have been for a long time," Lisbon admitted as she put her hands on her hips. "I know you feel the same about me, but how can we ever have a future together if you can't put the past behind you?"

"Lisbon..."

"Lisbon. Lisbon what," She yelled as she got in his face. "I understand that Red John—Carter killed your wife and child, but guess what? He killed my fiancee and deceived me as well. I am pregnant with a serial killer's child! How do you think I feel? Fucking fantastic!"

Jane stood motionless in the middle of his living room as he watched Lisbon gather her things. Was he really being selfish? Yes, was the answer to the question and he knew it. But, she came here because she loved him, despite his selfishness. She came here to tell him that she loved him, despite all that has happened to her because she felt it was important for him to know. She wanted to be with him and give it a go at a relationship.

Truth be told, he loved her too, but it had always been hard to express his love for her because she wasn't his wife. He wasn't supposed to love her. How could he? For Jane, moving on meant forgetting his first wife and daughter. It seemed like he would have to put his family behind in order to create a new life. And even the strongest memories fade with time. He would forget and didn't want to.

He loved them so much.

But, he loved her too.

Jane was in love with Lisbon and they both knew it, which is why he reacted strongly to whatever she did. He was more critical of her actions and opinions than he would be of others. How could he love her? She didn't hold a torch to his wife. But, she did and hers burned just as bright and fiercely.

For too long of a time, Jane had denied his feelings for Teresa Lisbon, and it was time for him to embrace them. No, he would never be complete again, but he would come close to it. He loved her and she was his last chance at happiness. No one would ever understand him the way she did and no one ever would again. Perhaps, they were so hard on one another because they were just alike. How does someone look the truth in the mirror and react? First, they fight it, and then they deny it, until one day they come to accept it.

They've finally accepted one another.

"What does that say about me if I am still in love with a serial killer?"

"That you are perfectly sane," Jane replied. For ten minutes, he stood and watched Lisbon as she silently cried against his wall and lovingly caressed the Red John's signature.

It was the first time in years that he actually understood someone. In that moment, he felt an unbreakable bond between Lisbon and himself form. Red John was the reason they met and the source of their pain as well. He was a lot of things to them, but different reasons obviously.

Jane walked over to Lisbon and pulled her away from the wall. Initially, she tried to fight him, but she was much too weak, so she gave in and cried in his arms instead. He tenderly rubbed the woman's back and, for the first time ever, he didn't hate Red John because he killed his family, but he hated Carter for hurting Lisbon. It was easy to see that she ached for a normal life filled with love, support, and understanding.

Sometime later, they ended up lying in Jane's bed; Lisbon's head was on Jane's chest and her eyes were closed as she caressed her human pillow.

"Why did you marry Shane's brother?" Jane asked pointblank. He thought about beating around the bush, but they had come way too far for that.

"He made the pain go away," Lisbon said softly. "I was handling the pregnancy and Coop's death on my own and Carter just started coming around. Then shortly after Nathaniel was born, he asked me out. I flat out told him no and he kept pursuing me, but was gentlemanly about it. So, I thought about it and I realized that I did have feelings for him and he'd treated me great, so I agreed. Our relationship progressed rather quickly and we were married within five months of dating. I don't know what I was thinking. Yes, in my mind it seemed wrong that Carter was his brother, but I didn't want to go back to being lonely…I saw what it could do to a person."

Lisbon felt Jane pull her closer to his body. He was lost in his thoughts when she spoke again.

"What happened between you and Kristina?"

Jane tried to vocalize what exactly when wrong between him and Kristina. The answer was quite simple actually, but it took him a while to figure it out. At first, he was happy, but then he started to want more than she could offer. It wasn't that she did not want to give her more, but she was unable to. He wanted someone she was not, Teresa Lisbon. Kristina could do things to improve herself and their relationship, but she could not be another person. They concluded that the demise of their relationship was because he wanted someone specifically and not just a set of characteristics.

"She was not prone to violent threats," He answered.

Lisbon squeezed his nipple tightly in defense.

"Oww!" He laughed as he rubbed his nipple. "That's my girl."


	5. Part V: Red Arrival

Disclaimer: I hate repeating myself…

Van Pelt was plagued with worry as she thought about her former boss. She hadn't heard from the older woman since she was released from jail three months back. CBI had lost track of her, but they weren't concerned since Red John was dead. They figured she had to get away from it all as she did with her previous encounter with the serial killer.

"What's on your mind, Grace?" Jane asked while he made a pot of tea. Grace contemplated her answer as to what she might say to the man. "You already know it is pointless lying to me, so why even give it thought?"

"Jane, sometimes people would like their thoughts to just be their thoughts," Grace said as she crossed her arms and looked defiantly at the fake-psychic.

"Oh, I know what this is about," Jane poured himself the freshly made tea and began to reach for some milk. "You're upset because you haven't heard from Lisbon."

"I'm not upset, just worried," She defended as she walked closer to Jane.

"No, you're both." The consultant picked up his cup of tea and walked over to his sofa and sat down. Grace had followed him to his sofa and stood before him.

"Am not."

"Of course you aren't, which is why you are standing in front of me defending yourself when you could have easily just left the conversation alone," Jane settled comfortably into the sofa. "It is understandable why you are upset: your former boss, who you looked up to may I add, just picked up and left without a word. Years later, she reappears again for the murder of Red John only to disappear once more when the charges were dropped. You saw her reappearance as a way to bond and now you are clueless as to where she could be."

They both knew that Jane was right, but it was hard for her to admit. It was hard being a female in a male dominated field. When Lisbon was her boss, she was relieved even though she was slightly afraid of the woman. But, for once, it was refreshing to have a female for a superior who didn't fit the stereotypical mold. Although Lisbon didn't particularly dress feminine, you knew she was a woman by the way she carried herself, but at the same time she was strictly professional.

As much as she enjoyed the company of her male companions, she yearned for a female companion as well. She wished that she could share her thoughts with another woman where either they could discuss or laugh about the antics of men. Despite the fact that she never did it while Lisbon was there, she knew that Lisbon feelings mimicked her own without vocalizing the words at all. Sometimes, they would give one another a glance or a knowing grin that said, "Men".

"It's just—how could she leave?" Grace held her head in her hands. Without looking at her, Jane knew that the female agent was beginning to tear up.

"She didn't," Jane confessed.

Grace wiped her face and looked up at the consultant slowly. "What do you mean she didn't leave?"

Jane contemplated whether or not if he should tell Grace the truth or bits and pieces of it. In a way, she deserved to know, but at the same time, it was none of her business. He already confessed that she was still in town, but should he take the next step and tell her the whole truth?

"Lisbon never left town to begin with," Jane took a sip of his tea as he read Grace's expression. It reeked of betrayal.

"What?" She inquired as she stared intently at Jane. "Where is she?"

"The week after Lisbon was released from jail, she came to talk to me," Jane sat his cup to the side and folded his hands on his lap. "It was concluded that she was better off staying here than she would anywhere else."

"That still doesn't tell me where she is," Grace raised an eyebrow as she folded her arms.

"I'm staying with Jane," Lisbon said as she walked into the bullpen. Nostalgia chilled her bones as she walked through her old work place. Grace was surprised to see her former boss, especially pushing her newborn child in a stroller. The older woman looked at ease with herself and the world considering all that has happened to her.

"Lisbon," Grace whispered.

"Hey Grace," Lisbon smiled at her former employee as she locked the stroller into place beside Jane, and then sat next to him. "Where are Cho and Rigsby?" She directed toward Jane.

"Rigsby went out to get food and Cho is in a meeting with Hightower," Jane replied as he took the infant out and began to rock the child. "Jane, unless you want to stay up with Lily until the wee hours of the morning, I suggest you put her back down before she wakes up," Lisbon warned as she gazed at her daughter. She reached out and lovingly caressed Lily's cheek and the child whimpered softly.

"I already stay up with her until the wee hours of the morning," Jane reminded her as he threw her a dazzling smile.

It was true, Jane stayed up with Lily when Lisbon slept. He insisted that she should get her sleep because she would be physically tired for a couple of months and needed all the rest she could get. Whenever Lily cried, Jane was there to rock her back to sleep or stay up with her until she settled down. Jane figured it was a good thing that he was a light sleeper because he woke up as soon as the wailing began. Lisbon, on the other hand, was a heavy sleeper and it would take a while for her body to register the sound of her child's cries. He didn't doubt Lisbon's capabilities as a parent considering she was raising Nathaniel as well. But, she needed a break and as mentioned earlier, she was physically exhausted and emotionally as well.

By a twisted turn of events, Jane was raising Red John's child as his own and he found that he was quite smitten with Lily. It was hard for him to fathom that the man he hated and the woman he loved could create a child so beautiful and enchanting.

Grace looked to the both of them trying to figure out what exactly was going on. Were they simply roommates and Jane was helping raise the child? Or was it that they were together now and playing house? Never in a million years would Grace vocalize these thoughts because it was rude in her mind. Lisbon could see the question lingering on the younger's woman face and she found that she could answer without any insecurity on her part. In the past, she was very reluctant to tell any personal information about herself, but now it didn't faze her. Why should it with all that she has been through? For years, she denied herself happiness based off of fear of rejection and judgment. She was never truly comfortable in her own skin because she felt as though others didn't get her. In turn, she thought she would have to change herself to please someone else, but she refused to. So, she chose to be alone instead because she wasn't going to be someone that she wasn't. She couldn't; it wasn't in her.

Her new outlook on life wasn't because of Jane, but rather, another glance at the sad life she had lived. The only real thing she had going for her was a career that fell into the hands of Jane more or less. But, at the end of the day, it wasn't emotionally fulfilling as having an actual relationship. She didn't have someone she could talk to or confide in and that was what hurt. It was hard not having someone to share the hardship and pain. It was hard to do it all alone—not just the parenting, but the living as well. But, that was not her reason for choosing to be with Jane because, truth be told, she did love him and was in love with him. Lisbon decided to be with Jane because even her arguments with him were worth more than being with another man. He just got her. Jane could handle her at her worst, so she knew he could definitely handle her at her best and he did. No one could make her smile the way he did.

"We're together, Grace," Lisbon confirmed.

Surprise flittered across Grace's face as a wide grin began to appear. 'Finally,' Grace thought to herself as she started to ponder why they decided to get together now.


	6. Part VI: Red Ending

Disclaimer: I made my stand.

Jane moved the grocery bags from his other arm to the one that was holding Lily and searched for his keys in his pocket. As soon as he found them, he entered the house, sat the bags on the table, and put the kids to sleep soon afterwards. He got a bucket and filled it with water and went to the bag to get the cleaning solution he had bought earlier. After he found the scrubber, he went upstairs to their bedroom.

Lisbon sat her gym bag down and went to check on the kids. Although she was exhausted, she felt energized as well. Since she had taken up working out regularly, she had more energy and, therefore, was more alert.

The kids were peacefully resting and she went over and gave them kisses on their forehead. God, she couldn't imagine life without them. They were what kept her sane these days, besides Jane of course.

After she closed the door she called out for Jane.

"Yeah," He replied back.

"Where are you?"

"I'm in the room," He shot back as he heard her footsteps approaching.

Lisbon walked into their room and saw Jane scrubbing the wall; Red John's signature to be exact. A lump had formed in her throat.

As tears welled up in her eyes Lisbon spoke, "Jane, what are you doing?"

"I think it is about time I sold this place, don't you think?" They both knew that Jane didn't do anything unless he wanted to and when he was ready to. Lisbon looked for his wedding band and saw that it wasn't there. Jane grabbed a chain around his neck and showed it to Lisbon.

"Yeah, I agree," Jane held up an extra scrub brush for Lisbon.

"Jane, what are you doing?" Lisbon asked as watched Jane take planks of wood out of boxes. They had just moved into their new house and Jane said the house was missing something.

"One guess," He said cryptically as he went over to Lisbon and planted a kiss on the corner of her mouth before rubbing her stomach.

"No, I'm not guessing," She crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out when she agreed to have another child. Forty-three wasn't the oldest age for a woman to have child, but she wasn't all that comfortable with the idea. She would at least to feel a little youthful when her kids got older, instead of, hitting sixty when he last child became a legal adult.

Jane being Jane, gave her one hell of a convincing argument as to why they should have another child and she went along with it, of course. It puzzled her as to why she always went along with his insane ideas. Lisbon also suspected it had something to do with Lily being Red John's biological daughter, Nathaniel being Shane's biological son, and he had no one to carry on his bloodline. Yes, he felt close to his adopted children and even considered them to be his own¸ but since he could still establish a concrete bloodline, he wanted to. So, Lisbon decided to give Jane a child as a token of her love.

"Why not," Jane asked as he took the planks onto the porch.

"Because I don't want to," Lisbon replied as she played with her wedding band. Jane gave her a look that indicating he was going to continue with his game, until she gave in. "Fine, a tree house."

"No, but that's not a bad idea though," Jane looked at her as if that most brilliant idea he's ever heard or, second, because he believed his original idea was the best.

"You're going to build one, aren't you?" Jane shook his head yes.

Lisbon smiled at him as she sat on the wooden swing chair. They bought a house with a wraparound porch. The kitchen was enormous and the living room was lovely. Just about everything was perfect—she couldn't understand what Jane thought was missing. The wall going up the stairs was decorated with past and present photos. It had pictures of Jane's previous wife and child along with Lisbon's fiancée and husband. Then there were pictures of them placed along the wall as well. It was important to Jane that they didn't forget.

If someone had asked her if she could, would she choose another path? Her answer would be no. She was in a loving and committed marriage with wonderful kids. Although they faced numerous roadblocks to get where they are now, they still got there. So in the end, she did get her happily ever after, after all. No, life wasn't perfect—far from it, but overall, Lisbon was happy. And Jane said that she wouldn't get her…

Jane looked up and smiled at her; she got it. "I'm building our picket fence."

THE END

AN: This took me a month to write more or less. Originally, this was supposed to be a one shot, but the story decided to morph into something else. I came to the decision to experiment with this story because I'm tired of reading the same thing, and even if you think you understand what I mean, you don't. Whether or not you, reviewers and readers, feel this story is uncharacteristic, that is your opinion and I respect it, but as I said, this story is an experiment.

I, myself as a reader have seen many stories that I felt were very uncharacteristic, but people felt that the author's Lisbon/Jane was spot on. Suffice it to say, I disagree. So, I guess writing characters is also a thing or interpretation and perception.

The story was split into multiple chapters, so it wouldn't be one very long one shot. On my Microsoft word, there are 21 pages as I currently write this, so that was what led me to break the story up.

I really hope you all have enjoyed this story and, if not, tell me why. As I stated earlier, constructive criticism is welcomed. Not flames or anything negative. I understand if you do not like the story, but do not post anything unnecessary. I wouldn't want you to waste your time or mine.

I'm tired of Lisbon being a "victim" or unrequited love. I just want her to go out there and grab life by the balls. I don't want her to start dating someone because Jane flirted with her, and then break up with the person. I want her to live and be happy.

That's my two cents for now…


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